Called
To Be God’s Woman: A Titus 2 Woman
Lesson 9 -Titus 2:4, 5
“That they
may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands,
to love
their children…to be keepers at home…obedient to their own
husbands…”
A Young
Woman’s Priorities: Behold What
Manner of Love…
Part I - Loving As Our Father Loves
We have already discussed being “sober” in previous lessons, both with the qualifications of the elder and the challenge
to “the aged men”, verse 2. In verse 3, the aged women are addressed and Paul says they are to behave “likewise”, as the
aged men, so we understand that they also are to be “sober”. Being “sober”, we see then, is for all believers and each one is
an example for those who look to them as the model of a godly believer. These ‘aged women’ having learned, understood and
obeyed all that is detailed in verse 2, now
qualify to teach younger women. We see and know this by the word
“that”, in verse 4.
For the remainder of this study we will concentrate on what God’s Word has to say to women about loving and obeying
their own husbands, about loving their children and being
keepers at home. Continue to keep
in mind this central thought: the
instruction from God’s Word is given and is to be obeyed, that “the word of God
be not blasphemed.” This is our
motivation for teaching and our motivation for obeying.
Love is the priority in a young woman’s relationship with her husband and her children. There are countless books on the bookstore shelves about this subject…some based on God’s teaching and some on man’s ‘philosophy’ about these priorities. I
very often think as I peruse these book shelves…’why not go straight to THE BOOK and THE AUTHOR?’ Everyone seems to
be trying ‘explain’ God FOR Him. He gave us the Holy Spirit for this purpose. I’m not saying that there aren’t some good
Christian living books available, I’m saying they should
be a supplement to God’s Word and not the main instructional guide.
Question 1 - Why, you might ask would anyone need to teach a young woman to love her husband or her children? Isn’t this
something that comes naturally? What do you think about this?
Going back to the beginning of Creation, God placed Adam and Eve in a Garden. There were no aged men or women
to teach them to love God or to love each other. Yet, because sin had not yet entered the picture, there was harmony and
peace and they loved God and their obeying His direction was evident. Yet, when temptation entered into the picture and sin
consummated, love changed. No longer was there a love for God, only a love for themselves and what they wanted. The
perfect love relationship was polluted. The love between man and God was no longer the same, nor was the love between
the man and the woman the
same.
Question 2 – What does come natural based on
[B] 2 Timothy 3:1-7?
What is ‘natural’ now, is for man to love himself
FIRST. 2 Timothy
3:1-7
gives us a
picture of how things will be “in the last days”.
In verse 2 – “men shall be lovers of their own selves…”and the list of their sinful responses to God, to parents and
to all of society continues through verse 7 with
their propensity toward sin because they loved themselves first
and not God.
Question 3 – Why do you think it is
important to love God first?
It is no wonder God’s commanded us: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, and
with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first and great commandment. And the second is like, unto it, Thou shalt
love thy neighbor as thyself.” Jesus goes on to say, “On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”
[Matthew
22:37-40]
God gives us His Great Commandment which tells us Who to love and How to love: first we are to love God with every
part of us…ALL of ourselves for Him, and then to love our neighbor in the same manner that we love ourselves. Almost an
oxymoron thought, if you think about it. To love ourselves in the flesh is certainly a selfish love. So, it cannot be that kind
of love God wants us to love our neighbor
with. It must be God’s love, His
Agape’ love, that we are to exhibit.
The young women will need to learn from the aged women what God is like and what God has to say about loving their
husbands and their children and to not do what ‘comes naturally’. We are to be “lovers of our own husbands”, “lovers of our
own children”. We see from this, that this kind of love is to be both personal and intimate. We will explore this further as we
continue in this
topic.
Love IS God and Love begins with God. It was God’s love that saved us in the first place! It is this same love that
must be poured out from us,
from our hearts toward our husbands and children.
We have seen from 2 Timothy 3:1-7, God’s declaration of the condition of man and the expectation of the future in the
last days. It is no wonder God’s standard for loving husbands and children have to be taught and passed down through the
generations.
What kind of love is God’s love that has been shed on us and that we must shed on our family? Let us look at
question 4 and fill in
the blanks concerning God’s love.
Question 4 – Seeking
out what some of the things God’s love is to us.
God’s love doesn’t depend on circumstance or
mood
God’s love doesn’t seek it’s own
way
God’s love is
enduring
God’s love is faithful
God’s love is fathomless
God’s love is forgiving
God’s love is long-suffering
God’s love is not
conditional
God’s love is pure in
thoughts
God’s love is sacrificial – I John
God’s love is truthful
God’s love is unending
God’s love is without
dissimulation
God’s love makes provision for our
needs
study for yourselves. As you read through Scripture, you might consider ‘discovering’ God’s love and perhaps writing
down
the verses that verify God’s love as outlined here. There are many more; these are
just some to get you started.
God’s Love is an Agape’ Love! Our goal is to love as God loves. I John 4:8 “characterizes God’s agape’ love.
It is manifested in the gift of His Son, Ryrie says this with reference to John 3:16. “ ‘Agape’ expresses unselfish esteem
of
the object loved.”
When we love God first, in the manner that God loves, our love for everyone else will follow suit. It is not easy,
but it is God’s will for us
to love as He loves.
Question 5 – Taking each question separately, list in which ways our love for God is revealed in our:-Prayer life?
Faith? Trials and testings? Daily Living?
Oswald Chambers, [My Utmost for His Highest May 3, and 4th] has this to say concerning these areas concerning our
love for God
in:
-Our prayer life, when we pray with His interests and not our own sympathies.
What do I mean by this? Perhaps someone is going through a difficult time in their lives and we certainly are
touched by their plight. However, how is it that we are to pray? Do we pray and ask God to remove their dilemma?
Do we pray and ask God to give them strength to endure? We may not know what God is doing in this other person’s
life, but perhaps it is something our Sovereign God knows is necessary for them to go through. We need to identify
ourselves with God’s interests in others as we pray for them. Our sympathetic prayers may actually interfere with God’s
purposes for that person. If God gives us the ability to ‘see’ a problem, it is our privilege then, to pray for the situation
according to God’s will and
not our own. Ephesians
-Our faith, when we walk as not seeing Him, it says in 2 Corinthians 5:7 [May 1st & 2nd] Abraham walked
by faith and not by sight. In the same manner we are not aware of our breathing and our heart beating, yet they are
ever working, our faith is to be that way. So second nature that we are not even aware of our faith in action. It is to
become a part of us. When we trust God and have faith in Him in that manner, we show the resurrected life in our
lives and God is blessed by
this. It is evidence to Him of our
love for Him.
-Our trials,
testings and daily living – I Corinthians 13:4a; Habakkuk 2:3
[April 30th and May 2nd] The great love chapter tells us in this verse that love suffers a long time and while we are waiting,
we are kind. This is our disposition. Our kind disposition while we are waiting is a direct revelation of our love for God,
if we obey Him in this
situation. So, our love for God
calls for us to be long-suffering and patient also.
Is
patience just waiting? Is it
indifference?
Patience is the idea of withstanding all onslaughts, leaning on God and trusting Him in all that is going on, whether
we understand why it is
happening or not.
-Among believers – [B] I John 3:10-11; 16-18. There are so many verses that speak of our loving the brethren.
These are just a few. This, too, would be another good self-study. When we act as children of His Family, we show
our love for the
Father.
APPLICATION:
Reflective question: Using these examples and others you may come up with yourself, you might consider doing a
self-inventory and review the things we do. Would God be pleased with our concept of love for Him? Are we building
a spiritual body on the “Foundation” of Jesus Christ, or are we just ‘busy’ doing nice things? Fun things? Or are the
things we are doing in
the name of love for God going to burn up as “wood, hay and
stubble”?
What has all of this to do with loving our husbands, you may ask? It has everything to do with loving our
husbands!
A. Greek word is “philandros” which is made up of two words: ‘philos’ and ‘aner’. ‘Philos’ is the Greek word for
loving someone as one who is beloved or as a dear friend. Loving in this word refers to loving someone tenderly. And the
second part of the Greek
word, ‘
see that we are to be tender
toward our husbands…we are to think of our husbands as a dear friend…our best
friend!
We discussed in Question 4 what God’s love is like toward us, and it is these same qualities we must manifest
concerning our love for our
husbands:
Our love doesn’t depend on
circumstance or mood. His mood
or ours.
Our love doesn’t seek it’s
own way No feminine wiles here or insistence on our
way.
Our love is enduring
Not fickle. It’s a lifetime
commitment.
Our love is faithful We stand by him through thick and thin, through good and bad times, through joys and sorrows…
no matter what. There is never a question here.
Our love is
fathomless There is no
bottom to the depth of our love for our
husband
Our love is forgiving A good reminder for us if and when we are tempted to not forgive is to remember who we are
before the Lord. We are undeserving of the love of God and His forgiveness. If He can forgive us, who are we not
to forgive our
spouse?
Our love is long-suffering We may be called on to suffer long with our husbands, whether it is a besetting sin of his and
you are waiting on the Lord to cleanse that in him, or perhaps as a help-meet, being willing to be supportive in standing
by him while he is agonizing
over something of his own.
Our love is not conditional Loving our husbands doesn’t have any ‘ifs’. Loving our husbands is not dependent on
any qualifications whatsoever! Love is never changing or dependent on anything except that God commands us to
love our husbands. So, we love,
period!
Our love is pure in thoughts Our love thinks no evil; doesn’t suspect husband of wrong doing; thinks of him in the
best light and also presents him to others in the best light. That means we don’t spread our grievances
concerning our husbands
to anyone except the Lord. To do other than this is a misuse of the
tongue. It is not
love.
Our love is
sacrificial – I John
This is not just of our substance, but also of our time, our own self-interests, our own preferences, our own decisions.
Well, you get the picture here. Christ’s love for us was a sacrificial love. He was willing to die for us in our place.
Would our love for our husbands be willing to
die in his place?
Our love is truthful I would hope there is no explanation needed here. Never lie. We may find we get ourselves in
small ‘pickles’ from time to time…just don’t lie about it. Yes, we may through our own blundering get ourselves in
situations that may go directly against our husbands preferences, but just tell him. In the long run, you won’t suffer
as you agonize in him
‘finding out’ and it will be over and done with sooner. Just tell the truth. Satan is the Father of
lies.
Our love is
unending Again, it is commitment, as stated
earlier in “enduring”.
Our love is without dissimulation No pretenses. This, too, is cousin to LIES. Anything that is not of the truth is a lie.
Remember there are also sins of ‘omission’. Watching our tongues, our hearts and minds to not give a false impression,
not setting out to fool him
about anything, in any way whatsoever.
Our love makes provision for his needs This could be something as simple as his favorite food. Perhaps he needs a lift
or encouragement. A small touch in this area will go a long way to communicating to our husbands that we love him.
Having his meals on time; having his clothing washed and pressed and ready…again routine for us, but to our husbands,
this goes a long
way.
APPLICATION
Having discussed God’s agape’ love for us, we also need to show this same kind of love to husbands. How did God
love us? He GAVE His only Begotten Son…for us…Our love to husbands is to be sacrificial. Love doesn’t murmur or
complain, love doesn’t have to brag or nag about the sacrifices made for him. Love doesn’t keep a mental account of the
sacrifices done nor does love put the husband in a bad light to someone else about what he did and what you had to do
because of what he did ---wrong! Love just does it and keeps on going. Love covers a multitude of sin and love will keep
us from sinning. Our blessing and pleasure is that we
have pleased God in doing the sacrifice.
Perhaps you could take these various areas and bring them before the Lord and ask Him to show you what He sees,
that you don’t see. Ask Him for the grace to be sensitive to areas where we need to change the manner of our love for His
kind of love for God Himself and for our husbands. Perhaps you would consider keeping a journal with some daily thoughts
the Holy Spirit would bring to mind about how perhaps there are things that we could say, using endearing words and
thoughts to better communicate to our husbands how we love and care for them? Or, something to do differently for them
that we were just ‘too tired’
to do for them before, yet we saw the need and just didn’t do it.
Recapping: Women are to love their husbands tenderly as dear friends; they are to love their husbands sacrificially, not
grudgingly; they are to love their husbands as one; two who have been joined together by God in an intimate, emotional union.
It is especially in this latter kind of love
that their relationship grows. They
share their dreams, their
hopes, their joys and grow in the Lord together. Their intimacy is not just physical, as God has ordained it to be, but also a
spiritual and emotional
oneness.
Part II – Manifesting God’s Love:
Submission
Society would probably pull you aside and ask you, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!’ But, our walk as God’s Bride,
as God’s helpmeet for your
husband, are not the world’s ways.
In Titus 2:5, we find the aged women are to teach young women to be “obedient to their own husbands…” From this
verse we have the concept of submission. Submission is a word that makes so many without the church and even some within
the Church to cringe at the very idea of submitting. Yet, submitting to God, first, is the key and He says, we are to submit to
our husbands.
Submission is not a concept some ego maniacal man came up with. Submission is Scriptural:
Philippians 2:4 says, “look not every man on his own things, but
every man also on the things of others.”
I Corinthians 16:15a, 16 says, “I beseech you, brethren…That ye submit yourselves unto such, and to every
one that helpeth with us, and
laboureth.” (Paul is speaking of helping and laboring in the
ministry.)
Hebrews
I Peter 2:13a: “Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake…” and one more, but there
are many
more…
I Peter 5:5, “…ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be
clothed with humility: for
God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the
humble.”
In His book, Your Family(*), John MacArthur
speaks of a mutual submission, based on Ephesians
yourselves one to another in the fear of God” and goes on to say this verse is “the foundational principle of mutual submission,
which is to characterize marriage and family life.” He makes it clear that a wife is not a slave to her husband nor the husband
a dictator who fires away commands to his wife. But does say “the marriage relationship is much more intimate, personal, and
vital than that, as indicated by the words “your
own husband.” The
word ‘own’ shows possession.
Back in Genesis
is not a slave, she was to be submissive to him as the head of the home. As head of the home, it was his responsibility to
provide and care for the family. The woman’s response…submit to his
headship. (*)Chapter 2, pgs.
37-38.
Submission is not something to be feared or shunned, but one that truly brings a blessing to the woman. The responsibility
in the home belongs to the
husband. All roads lead to
him. This truly is a wonderful
freedom the Lord has given to the wife.
Submission, it has been said, (*) “is the secret to all right and fulfilling
relationships.”
The husband may delegate things to the wife that he would like her to do, things that perhaps are sometimes considered
to be a man’s responsibility, like paying bills, and she, in submission is happy to do them, because she is obeying the Lord in
being that ‘meek and quiet spirit’. She is his partner and helpmeet; she reverences her husband because she loves the Lord.
And, the husband that loves the Lord will not mistreat her or take advantage of his role as head of the home.
[B] Ephesians 5:22-24; 31; 33
I - Among believing women, what is a wife supposed to do if the husband is not a believer? What if he is a believer
and is not walking the walk? Or perhaps he is not in his Word and not growing. What about the husband that may be
backslidden and stops going to
church altogether. What does
the wife do then?
II - What if the husband is not taking charge as head of the home? What then should be the wife’s response?
What about home devotions, who should be leading them? What about home-schooling: should the husband be in charge
of the children’s education or should
the wife take charge of this?
III - What if a husband asks his wife for her input, her advise in a matter. Perhaps there is a discussion and he
listens to what she has to say, and ultimately makes a decision which is opposite to her advice. In fact, she may feel he
never takes her advice. What should be her response to her husband if he doesn’t take her advice? Should she bring it
up again? How should she respond when he, at some
future time, asks her advice again?
These are just some of the kinds of things wives face in their homes. They can be frustrating situations, yet this
is the advice God gives us to all of these
varying questions:
[B] I Peter 3:1-6 –
From verse 1 we see the answer to all these scenarios.
“…Be in subjection to your own husband;” The husband is the authority in the home. Notice there are no conditions as to
if and when we are to be subjected to the husbands. It matters not whether the husband is saved, unsaved, back-slidden,
growing in the Word or not going to church. The word ‘be’ is a command, it is not a question or a suggestion. Looking at
the rest of verse 3:1 we read that, “if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation
of the wives; How does this work? Verse 2 says, “While they behold
your chaste conversation coupled with
fear.”
We have the responsibility of walking the walk regardless of our personal home situation or circumstance. We
KNOW what God wants and expects and whether the husband is walking or not, our responsibility is to be steadfast in the
Lord. Our walk has to be credible: the distinguishing marks of our behavior: chaste and fear (of the Lord). Our walk in
the Lord will speak louder to a husband that is not saved or walking as he should. To nag him, to end up sounding ‘holier
than thou’, to ‘preach’ to him what he should be doing is not the answer. God gives us the instruction on our behavior in
such matters. Also, we need to be aware of OUR attitude when we are being obedient. Remember I Peter 5:5…we are
to be clothed in
humility. Our heart must match our
actions.
Our responses to these and the endless circumstances a wife may face, varying though they may be, is answered
in question 4, regarding how to love our husbands. We are not to take over their responsibilities on our own…out of
frustration! If the husband is not doing what is right before the Lord, we don’t take charge, unless the husband delegates
us to do so. Now we are in submission to the
husband.
Verse 4 tells us that getting the husband’s attention with an outward, ostentatious, appearance will not resolve
the situation either. God reminds us in I Peter of things we have studied in other Scripture: that which will speak loud
and clear is the “ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.” The fruit of the inner man is one that is controlled and
strengthened by the Holy Spirit. We are, afterall, seeking a spiritual response and change for our husband and our
response and example to him should be a spiritual one also. Note God’s response to the wife’s obedience at the end
of verse 4: for the wife to respond as God has said
to respond, is to God, of great value; a “great price”.
In verses 5 & 6 we have a reference to women who adorned themselves in the manner that is pleasing to God.
Sarah, in particular is given to us as the example to follow as a wife who was submissive to Abraham.
(The reference here is to Genesis
18:12).
If we are submissive to our husbands, Scripture says we
are daughters of Sarah.
Before leaving this topic of submission, let us consider
one more thing from Ephesians
Let us consider the model for submission. We are to be in submission to our own husbands, as the church, the
body of Christ, is subject to Him. There is only one instance in which Scripture tells us we do not have to obey
husbands. We find this in Acts 5:29b, “…we ought to obey God rather than men.” If we follow through on this,
in obedience, we may suffer or be persecuted for obeying God. To be able to withstand this, we have studied to
‘be filled with the Spirit’. Be encouraged and strengthened by God’s Word finding Scripture that you have
memorized and internalized. Philippians 4:4-9; 11-13 is a
good encouragement.
Also, pertaining to wives,
they are to be “keepers at home”.
Question 7 A– From Titus 2:5, what do you think a “keeper at home” is?
The Greek word, ‘oikourgous’ comes from ‘oikos’, meaning, ‘home’
and ‘ergon’ which means
‘work’.
John MacArthur (*) has said this
regarding the meaning of “keeper at home”:
“I think the emphasis is really that wives ought to work when at home and the ought to work at home.”
He further says, “…the word confronts both laziness and abandonment.” (*) [Your Family, pg. 46] MacArthur is
saying that women are not to be lazy at home, but industrious, and also, they are not to abandon the duty of
being homemakers first…by working
outside the home. Home is their
first responsibility.
John MacArthur goes on to say that in the New Testament the ‘ergon’, translated, ‘work, refers to
employment; an assigned task. Thus, she is “employed in the
assigned task of working at home”.
A wonderful example of a “keeper at home” is the Proverbs 31 woman. She is certainly an industrious
woman looking after the needs of her home, a strong and disciplined woman that rises early before her family
arises, her husband trusts her for himself and his well-being and also, he trust her to be enterprising and
purchase land. She is a “keeper at home”, looking after
the needs of her husband and family, but she is
not chained to her home, never imprisoned by her home. She has a freedom within the bounds given her by her
husband, to be productive. This, too, would be another good
study for sometime in the future or even for yourselves.
Question 7 B - What do you think would be a good motivation for fulfilling the duties as a homemaker, that is,
to not procrastinate?
The wife, from Titus 2 is to love and be in submission to her own husband, to love her own children
and to be a worker at
home.
To her “own husband” is very pointed. Consider this: if she were to be employed outside of her home, she
no longer would be in submission to her own husband only. Her employer now has the authority over her, an authority
over her that conflicts with Scripture. The working world may demand of the wife to dress a certain way, to work when
her children or husband are at home, to comply with practices that are not suited to the Christian woman who is
seeking to be holy.
There are many facets we could consider regarding what Scripture has to say about a wife, a mother, a widow,
a divorcee as pertaining to working. We will only address the wife and mother for this study. You might consider
doing a further study on your own concerning these various life situations for the woman. A man is to provide for his
own family. To not provide for his own family, and in some situations, some relatives, is to be considered, “worse than
an infidel”, I Timothy
5:8.
The ‘empty nest’ woman is, if she has continued with the Lord, now the “aged woman”, and her responsibilities
is the subject of our study: “to teach young women good things”. If they are not obedient to do this, how then would
God’s instruction continue to be
passed down to each generation of young
women?
The last part of Titus 2:4 is “to love their children”. We have many Biblical examples of mothers who showed
love for their children. Again, the Greek word for loving children is “philoteknos”. Translated, it means to consider the
child as very dear; as beloved. A mother is to treat the child with great tender, loving care and also to apply the attributes
of love found in I Corinthians
13:4-8a.
Question 8 – How did these
Biblical mothers show love for their
children?
Exodus 2:3 – Jocobed, Moses’ mother, protected him from
Pharaoh by hiding him in an ark of
bulrushes.
I Samuel
every year.
I Kings
Isaiah 49:15 – A love that would not
forget
Matthew
John 19:25 – Mary, the mother of Jesus stood by Him, even unto death. Remember the death on the cross was
something that was considered an
accursed death.
Question 9 – APPLICATION - From I Corinthians 13:4-8a we find a description of Biblical love and how it manifests
itself. Take
some journal notes for yourself of how or when you would need to exercise love
in adverse situations.
There is a long list of the things that love is! We may from time to time become frustrated or angry over a
child’s rebellion, stubbornness, selfishness, or perhaps you are just not feeling up to ‘being a mom’ that day! We need,
as we’ve studied already about our tongues, to keep our words-- kind, patient, without anger and maliciousness, using
words rightly, so as to edify the child and encourage them. Also, to show them a good example and testimony before
the Lord. To do all of this…why? Because we first love the Lord and bring honor to Him and glorify Him, by doing
things His way. And, in verse 8a we see that Love
never fails.
Question 10 - DISCUSSION - What are some of the
concerns as a mother?
- Can we stop feeling guilty about mistakes we may make in raising
children?
- What to do as a mother when you have to choose between God and
family?
- Concerning home schooling, does it matter who is the primary
educator?
- Concerning family devotions, if the mother is the primary home school educator, should she also be the
primary family devotions leader? Are there exceptions to your
answer?
- How does a mother juggle mothering, church and ministry? To what extent and how important is it for the
children to be involved in the parent’s church
ministry?
Scripture gives us direction in our parental duties. We are to teach our
children the things of the Lord,
Deuteronomy 6:7. We are to
train them in right
paths, Proverbs 22:6; we are
to provide for children, 2 Corinthians
to be in control of our children, I Tim. 3:4,; 12. Their behavior, their habits should be formed in the home with the purpose
of honoring the Lord.
What happens in private will be reflected outside the home. A child left to ‘express themselves’, as some
contemporary child psychologists will encourage, is to go against what God says in His Word. Without correcting
this problem, these undisciplined children may grow up to be adults, who because they have been allowed to be out
of control, will be poorly suited to being a part of society, whether in the work force, the military, as wives or even
citizens and will evidence this by their lack of respect for authority. Now an adult, their uncorrected childhood fits,
may doom them as misfits in their adult life. Proverbs 3:11-12 says this: “My son, despise not the chastening of the
LORD; neither be weary of His correction: For whom the LORD loveth He correcteth, even as a father the son in
whom he delighteth.”
Loving our children sometimes means taking a hard stand, but this is loving our children; this is loving the
Lord and His Word. This is what it is to discipline our children…that is, to correct them. Sometimes, it takes a
“rod of correction” Scripture
says. Proverbs 22:6;
or advised. Proverbs